We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
