she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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