1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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