I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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