I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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