saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
