Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
