When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
