shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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