Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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