doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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