Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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