she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
3pm strippers are depressing
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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