It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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