Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
