$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
