YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
