I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
