Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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