So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
