I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
