i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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