I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
