Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize