k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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