i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
