I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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