Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
