News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
