wanna go halves on a baby?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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