so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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