she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Alive.
So much puke
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
