Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My penis needs a shock collar
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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