I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
