Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize