I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize