If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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