I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
