so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
