so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
