I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I smell stomach acid.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
