I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
