if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
