I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
