They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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