wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
