I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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