ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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