Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
