watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
