Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
