you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
