You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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