sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
