Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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