I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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