I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
