I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
