Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
