super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
