Small penises have feelings too.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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