You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
