I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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