I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
