Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
