I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
