I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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