As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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