Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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