he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
