bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
